"Michael Ward's Story"

    I want, as I am led of the Spirit, to give you my testimony.

    I was a guy who spent my entire life in search of love and acceptance from others. You see my Mom died of Lupus when I was 15 months old. My Dad was left to raise my me and my sister, so he introduced us to some of the evils that this world had to offer and we were affected in a bad way.

    My life was one of fear and rejection as I learned not to trust anyone or let others get too close. So out of that fear I searched for the very thing I pushed away from others. Stupid as this sounds it was true, I was looking for love and acceptance and when it was offered I ran away, for fear of rejection. And over the years, I learned how to build walls of protection from others and most of the time I was the one who was doing the rejecting.

    I was saved as a child but I backslid and ran away from the Church and from the Lord. As the years went by I was living in depression and afraid of everyone. I hid my fear but only from myself. This bondage to fear and rejection is a terrible prison to be in. I married in hopes of finally finding acceptance and love from someone and not feeling threatened at all.

    Fourteen years went by in this nightmare of a marriage that I was in. She would become violent and crazy at times and I was her target until the kids were born. Then they felt her fury as she tried to hurt everyone around her. I was trapped and felt like there was no way out. When I would fight back with her to protect the kids she would get crazy and I lived in fear of my life always.

    Also my life was a mess I failed at everything I tried to do. Every job f ailed or I was fired or hurt on the job. Lets face it I was a failure at my marriage and at life. A loser and through drinking and drugs I found some relief from the torment of my mind.

    I never thought it would end, I thought it would go on forever, But one day I was introduced to necromancy and quija Boards, out of body experiences and the like. My supervisor at work showed me how to play these harmless games!!!!

    I was now entering a realm of demons and possession as I tried to continue to get away from the dark cloud that was over my life. As demons began to manifest and bring fear to my life, as if there wasn't enough problems to deal with. I got rid of the dark side stuff and I continued to blame God for all the disaster in my life.

    I got my CDL to drive trucks, well this seemed like the ideal job to have because it took me away from home for 14-18 hours a day. I thought this would be freedom from her constant torturing of my heart and mind. While in this job I had a wreck at 55 mph, on a back road the throttle stuck for no reason and I lost control. Slamming into an oak tree sideways destroying the truck beyond repair. I was only shaken up a bit and not hurt. The days went on and disaster after disaster happened to my life. I was beginning to feel a heaviness hovering me as I continued to try and live a normal as possible life.

    One month to the day on Friday Nov 13 , 1999 @ 3pm. I was passing a School bus that had 52 kids on board out on a deserted road. They were going so slow it was terrible; I decided to pass and as this endeavor was underway, the driver of the buss decided to turn left in front of me. I had two choices hit the woods or hit those kids. I hit the woods!

    After it was all over I was air lifted to a trauma center around 100 miles away from the accident. But not to leave anything out mind you, While in the floorboard of the truck covered in blood I could hear the screams and cries of those kids and in my mind I had killed them or severely hur them. I laid there begging God to take my life instead of theirs. Then suddenly a Man opened the truck door and he called me by name. No one knew me I was in another part of the state. He helped me out of the truck and then disappeared into the crowd.

    Wayne He was an Angel sent to help me in my time of trouble, even though I was a wreck the Lord kept a watchful eye on me. I almost died from the event and am still regaining my memory and concentration again. I nearly lost everything. Then I was charged with the accident and fired all in the same weekend after the accident.

    Then I was diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder, because I couldn't sleep for the replaying of the accident in my mind and every time I closed my eyes I heard those kids crying and screaming. Now the torture in my mind took on a new darkness and levels of depression plagued me. I was losing my mind and the demonic voices began to speak to my mind and they were trying to convince me to commit suicide.

    The voices said that I would be a burden to my family if I stayed and I would be better off dead. In the state I was in emotionally, I began to agree with the voices in the night. I started to think of ways to die, and the voices offered suggestions. I was at my breaking point, and man, I was in a mess.

    On Jan 06, 1999 @ 2:30 am I sat in my living room floor determined to end it all. I cried out to God in my distress and said here I come if you are real then I will soon find out for myself. How true I was in that statement!

    Out of nowhere the Lord appeared and held me in His arms as I cried out thirty-four years of anger, defeat and hurt. The Lord stayed with me all that night and held me while I became His own. I will not try and explain it but He was there Wayne and I was forever changed that night. There is a song called the fountain of blood> the Lord laid me in that fountain and His blood cleansed my soul as healing began to be released in my body.

    I quit smoking all in one moment with no withdraws after twenty years of three packs a day. I was being set free. Wayne I lost my wife and my job along with my reputation among friends because of the decision I made that night to follow Him even to my own death.

But to be found in Him is the treasure hidden in the field. The Rose of Sharon and the Bright and Morning Star. He is my life now and my heart. I am His love slave and bondservant forever. I love Him and have love from Him. Something I never had before. To whom much is forgiven much is loved, and to whom much is given much is required.

I have a whole two years of testimonies that would shake you up, but I have written enough for now.

Go And Be Blessed!

Just a note

This is a great testimony by Michael Ward. I know the Lord will use him in everything he does for Him.

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